Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I try not to use insecticides in and around the house. A good hosing, clearing away dead leaves, and an occasional spray with soapy water typically keeps the 6-8 legged critters at bay.

There is one pest, however, that resists my typical treatments. If anything, they appear to thrive. We have a lot of plantings, especially in the front yard. It's the ideal snail homestead.

I like to think we have creative ways of dealing with any problem that presents itself, but I think our Ultimate Snailution is particularly good. It's the perfect combination of family time, entertainment and a bit of gore.

First step is to collect all the snails you can find. Place in a bucket.

Find a comfy place to sit adjacent to the street.

Toss snails onto street, ensuring snails land somewhere near the center area of street.

Watch passing autos to run them over. (Extra points if a bicyclist runs one over.)

Wait for crunch. Cheer.

No, I don't live in a trailer, park my cars on the lawn, or throw beer cans in the back of my pickup. I don't have a pickup.

There may be something wrong with me, but I can't resist a little mollusk vs Michelin.

Last year, we gave up snailing. My son had raised a couple dozen snails for a science project. He gave them the best, most tender greens, and a really nice terrarium. They were so happy, they created several hundred little snails. Caring for them as we did, we felt responsible for them, kind of like parents. And good parents don't throw their children under speeding vehicles. We released them into the wilds of our yard, and my eleven year old son was a tearful empty nester.

This year, all bets are off. We are going to embrace our killer instincts and throw the great grandchildren into traffic.

Works well with tomato worms too.

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