Sunday, September 2, 2007

Guilty

I've noticed the longer I go without writing in my blog, the longer I go without writing in my blog.

One of my many personality flaws (now there's a subject - I'll have to make a note of it) is that I procrastinate. It's not just ordinary procrastination, as it's driven by guilt. Let me give some examples.

Guilt for not cleaning out my junk drawer.
Guilt for having enough junk to fill a drawer.
Guilt for not vacuuming behind my dresser.
Guilt for not having my son baptized.
Guilt for not cutting my husband's/son's hair often enough.
Guilt for not working full time. (actully, this one I'm not procrastinating about. Just guilt.)
Guilt for not visiting the inlaws.
Guilt for not buying gluten free bread yesterday for my mom (oops.)
Guilt for not doing something more lucrative with my artwork.
Guilt for not learning Dreamweaver fast enough.
Guilt for not excercising enough - or at all.

That's the short list. I could go on, but I'll spare you.

I procrastinate because I feel guilty, not the other way around. The more guilty I feel about something, the more likely and longer I'll procrastinate. It's a stupid waste of human energy, but I suspect that being Catholic is part of it.

Oh, guilt for not having gone to confession in about 25 years. I can see it now - Bless me father, for I have sinned - it's been 25 years since my last confession. I've lied 1627 times, I've had impure thoughts 172 times, I've cussed 17,594 times...

It's true about confession being good for the soul. I remember the relief I felt after confession, even though it was horribly embarrassing. I think Catholics have a good idea about confession. If you pray to God without actually relating your naughtiness to a real person, it's just not the same. It remains a dirty secret, and I think you're never really sure if you've been forgiven. Confession gives the whole business a more professional gloss. It's like the difference between buying something from a flea market to buying something at Bergdorfs. It might look the same, but believe me, the one from Bergdorfs feels alot better.

I suspect my 'not' doing things does qualify for a sin, albeit a venial one. Probably sloth. Any priests out there? Please email me. What would be the penance for chronic procrastinating? I'm guessing it would be more than a couple of 'Our Fathers'.

I do have an excuse for not writing sooner. I've actually had some freelance work that has been my preoccupation for the last couple of weeks, so it's not like I'm a complete slob. I hope I'll be able to get some photos around town, and have some additional worthy stories to relate to both of you.

Cross my heart, and one Act of Contrition.

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